love and respect

so i was reading in another blog about the possibility that what men most want in a relationship is respect, and what women want is love.

and i am wondering if your experience of life and relationships suggests that to be true ... or otherwise.

i can see some truth in it for certain ... i know that other things, material things, are not the priority in relationships for me - just the windowdressing of the comfort zone, for me having the assurance of love is most important as the foundation for adventuring into the world.

respect is something i feel needs to be earned - it is not automatically conveyed. in my family, physical affection and words of love were not casual daily events. they were reserved for special occasions, birthdays, events, celebrations of achievement.

so i have grown up to distrust those who throw out words of love too easily. to me, that wasn't real or true unless the other person actually knew me enough to really choose to love me or not.

i did make sure, though, in bringing up my own children, that words of love flowed more easily and they were never in doubt of how we felt about them. And we have encouraged them to hug and be hugged, or to ask for a hug when they feel the need for comfort. All things that never happened for me and my brothers as children.

in more recent years, i have developed a different idea about love and sharing love with others .... as an infinite resource, that can be dipped into at will and never runs dry. i have real concern and love for my friends who i have only met online, as well as those i have also had the privilege of meeting in the flesh.

and of course for the friends i meet and talk with daily or weekly.

amongst my women friends i find it easy to share an unconditional form of affection, and find it puzzling when in some cases, their male partners find the same women threatening, undermining of their masculinity, and who knows what else.

is it simply their own insecurities they are projecting, or is there something more? are they seeking respect from their partner?

i don't really have the answers, but i feel like i am swimming in the soup of these questions at the moment, perhaps because i am heading towards my mid forties, and around me, mid-life crises are burgeoning like many headed hydrangeas!

with love